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a horrid whisper echoes in a palace of endless joy

by ther

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1.
1 kid 00:55
I saw a kid on a train I saw a kid on a train Headed east from city hall Surrounded by people so tall, Wide-eyed Wide-eyed and full of fright Blinded by the sight of God How strange to be born How strange to be born in a time like now When everybody’s freakin out
2.
My favorite baseball player was shot with a gun On vacation in the country that he comes from But they flew him back to boston the day afterward He’ll go back to hittin triple plays from what i heard But my buddy’s gettin married to his college boo He hasn’t popped the question yet but i'm sure he will soon Itll do my heart good to see them raise a kid Despite this hopeless way of living we’ve inherited I’ve grown accustomed to discomfort from a stubborn burn Of a disappointment older than m grandma’s urn I wanna leave it all behind me, it would make me glad But I still can’t leave an airport without looking back What did you say What did you do today I’m uncertain of this theme that ties this all together But there a very certain somethin about rainy weather That keeps my heart thinkin backwards and my mind feelin numb I always seem to lose my head when the summer comes These days the only useful thing that ive been thinkin of Is that this life will pull you further from the things you love And you should do what you can to keep yourself on track Because the season’s only started and you signed a contract
3.
I cannot bear to be water that you cannot drink My camel’s got a real sore back, and he’s about to have a heart attack I would not trade for his spine, but there’s an aching need of mine To live off a single sip and thrive with every extra drip Oooo You were my one bad dream the year that I was 23 The chirp of a chickadee; you unmade a man of me That thing you call a small crack is growing wider from every act Dams break from the things they hold as my bones grow cold Ooo Turn a light on Sing a good song Leave the light on What did you say
4.
i’m tryna practice letting go Of the things that i don’t have a right to hold onto It’s funny how things happen so slow They float like a feather, then sink like a stone You could be a bird, high above your anger I could be a boat–i just need an anchor Something about how things are easier they are Some tired anecdote about butterflies in jars Just because its difficult doesn’t mean it’s cruel I don’t follow the rules, I follow you I’m tryna practice listening To the people that matter the most to me Love is always glistening And so are the ones who answer its needs Massive as the sun, stormy as the ocean Solid as a gun, loud as an explosion I think I was born an ostrich with feathers in my feet Maybe a large flamingo that wasn’t painted pink But I have been opened and am now open to the end And beginning again with two hands
5.
Tell me what you’ll always remember Tell me what you won’t forget There are impossible things that you’ll never notice With outcomes that you won’t expect Except for the one of which you are certain That ends in a dance with the dead Hovering like a halo, hanging heavy overhead You have a beauty that passes right through me And bounces around in my chest Its a great thing of wonder that i’ve been crushed under I wish I was more at my best– Not fighting off a flickering thought That sometimes sounds a scream No one ever after’s ever coming after me OOOO Will the end be coming soon? or will we hum a different tune? Are any of us coming back? have I made most of what i have? I could have built a microphone that changes how my body grows I could have been less terrified of our remaining years Before we’re just a melody in heaven’s many ears Hmm
6.
4 to the floor, a whiskey or more I moved my hips in a way I hadn’t before You matched my stride. I felt alive, Finally knowing what beautiful feels like In a rumble and a roar, only wanting more You were so tall, but far off and small From where i was standing, I thought you might fall To see the face of such a place is truly a gift, and a great act of grace If this moment had a hand, i would squeeze as tight as I can, until all my fingers broke Big light, so bright, knowing you feels right To me, bluish tree humming so sweetly: tell me How does that song go again? The one we always sing with our friends A prayer for the summer, first of november. it always comes late, which I never remember Is there an end to this up and down? Is there a bottom to this always around? Like a bear in a trap, or a moon in it’s waning, I’ve got my doubts–but I sure ain’t faking. I’ll be afraid of you soon, i know it sounds crazy but it always comes true. Weary from unnaming all of these reasons, dizzy from no small changing of seasons I can’t believe the things that you say when i’m not around
7.
a whisper 01:03
8.
with you 03:15
When does worry turn to loss? When does loss become grief? I’d rather not know when, but I think that it happened And maybe i’m wrong, but i’m twisting in place in the tiniest space How did normal change so fast? When did my heart expand in the place where it feels hurt? Everything is smaller now, except for a whisper that roars so loud that it might be a message for you: “something left when you stepped out” I don’t wanna say that I blame you (but it’s easier to) and superstitious leanings for magical thinking. But maybe it’s not, and the world disappeared with you
9.
2 holidays 05:07
Home for christmas is nice It started snowing during silent night The savior was born so that God’s will would be done But he only left us alone, and didn’t save anyone We didn’t build this place We rest in homes that we didn’t make We were put here, whether we like it or not Nobody asked it we wanted to watch it all fall apart To old year ended last night We gathered around to pretend that the new one would make things right I like to believe that there is a moment in between Both the end and beginning, when we are all free Last fall a stray cat broke into our house For unknown reasons, it wasn’t even that chilly out He is with me almost always, when i’m home But sometimes he sleeps downstairs when he wants to be alone Do you love someone? Do you show it enough? With your actions, and in the way you talk? Cuz if you don’t do something, it doesn’t matter There’s a whisper in my ear It only speaks to me of fear But I won’t pay it no mind

credits

released April 14, 2023

heather jones - guitars and lead vocals, bass on tracks 2 + 5
jon cox - pedal steel, electric guitar on track 2, harmonies on track 2
veronica magner - other vocals
max rafter - baritone saxophone
amelia swain - other bass, drums on track 8
laura wolf - cello

heather's vocals and guitar recorded by mark watter at so big auditory in philadelphia
all else recorded and mixed by heather at so big sobig.studio
mastered by jared taylor of so big

artwork photo by heather and type by robert mathis robertmathisdesign.com

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ther Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

the breaking of the world-cocoon

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