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split w/ sadurn

by ther

/
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1.
made up a reason why it doesn't matter if I see you again and I wanna believe that I don't have a need for anyone outside of my friends and besides it is probably not what I think that I saw just another trick of the head but you're face is like the sun can't look at it very long sorry if I got so weird at the party right after we talked again I was hoping you noticed the both of us glowing as we cleaned up all of the cans and it felt like the light breaking out from behind of a cloud and then going right back again but your face is like the sun can't look at it very long and I'm scared of being stuck I am scared of being wrong your face is like the sun shining and wonderful glowing and beautiful can't look at it very long
2.
ther - advil 01:58
if i remember right you were 4 1/2 you were getting on my nerves and you were being a brat a fist in the teeth was counter-argument, and looking back it worked out pretty well, didn't it? a trip to the doctor and a couple advil will set you right though your smile now leans to one side you were just a little tyke if there's one thing that 26 has set in me it's that the unintended consequences are still your responsibility no amount of saying sorry ever made things right forgiveness is a thing you earn after work and over time and a leap that's divine
3.
I never meant to hurt anyone I was just trying to hold my head cause it's been all covered in dust and I've been just lying until I'm dead and I the back of my room what's the use of keeping anything around in the dirt and the leaves what do I need I can't quite figure it out and I'd follow you up the stairs you know I'm fair I'd tell you whatever it is to the best of my knowing I think I'm going somewhere away from this I hope you're willing to hear that you're my dear but I've been so filled up with doubt and somehow I'm swimming in shame and I'm afraid I can't quite figure it out I can't quite figure it out
4.
ther - ??? 00:44
there is a black spot inside my right eye from all of that time I spent looking at light the size of a pinhole but tough to tune out it's pretty distracting when I leave the house what does that say about you if you're so willing to? what does that say about me if I comply? there is something tugging both of us if we're so willing to forego trust this is all to say this will be the last day i have a muscle that didn't fully grow the part of my shoulder that I use to say no it keeps my arm well attached to my neck but won't let me lift it in my own defense we're told that nothing's permanent i wonder if that's true of something that's inherited imposed upon you they were crashin on the couch lookin like a mouse I was sitting at my desk doing I forget later i was leaping into fall hoping you would just return my call asking where you're at but you were playing with the cat
5.
oo I am quick to cut my losses but I am not sure if you are one and in the shower I drink the water I have no lover to speak of and I keep seeing you leave, you left with. me on your tail left me outside in my suffering pride and I still wanna try but I still cannot tell and in the morning I went out walking and cursed you for leaving, cursed me for being so shy and if you don't care then I will not either, and I will recover and lay this to die but if I am honest then I long to see you
6.
some days there is a reason to get up and go to sleep others are much harder when the bottom feels so deep and some will give you thinkings you will never understand but i know that i'll be somehow fine as long as you're my friend when winter comes a creeping there are reasons to feel joy you can wrap around a pillow like a child's favorite toy the heat will be much cheaper if we sleep in the same bed and I feel far less like dying every time you kiss my head who's in love when you were only four months old yo tumbled down the stairs you were driven to the doctor, I had never felt so scared you had just broken you're clavicle because your bones were soft had you landed at a different angle, I would feel so lost I wonder if our father is still weighted down with guilt from the failure of a baby gate he didn't even build he briefly turned his back so he could flip the bedroom light but you were bound for exploration and the dream of taking flight who's your bud you are my bud we dancing to count basie in my parents' living room I can feel your arms around my neck and clearly hear the tune it was haunted, it was heavy, it was blowing in the breeze it was signing of a season in a place I'll never see

about

split for a tour

Recorded on a 50 year old tape machine in a basement in West Philadelphia, Winter Solstice of 2018.

credits

released January 25, 2019

Performed by Jon Cox, Genevieve DeGroot, and Heather Jones.

Odd numbered tracks written by Genevieve DeGroot and even numbered tracks written by Heather Jones.

Recording and digital mastering by Heather Jones at So Big Auditory

you can find sadurn's music here: sadurn.bandcamp.com

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tags

about

ther Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

the breaking of the world-cocoon

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